when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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