im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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