forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
