Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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