Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
