My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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