hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
