I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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