3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
