i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
