Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
