he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You should frame my arrest warrant.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
