I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
