I hate all girls vehemently.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
