i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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