Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
