I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Randomize
