u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
