either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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