he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize