i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
