mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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