Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
