Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
