No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
