Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize