those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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