It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
