Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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