At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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