apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
