I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
should my penis look like a turkey
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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