If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
