Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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