Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
