well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
