There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
