the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
