My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
