3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's never too late to be topless.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
