I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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