I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
