ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
