Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
