Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
