My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
