Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
