In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
