Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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