I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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