yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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