Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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