Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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