it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
