tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
