I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
