Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
