Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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