You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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