Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
