wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
