i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
