Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
