I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
