thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
