We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just pee around me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
