you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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