I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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