you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Enjoy the penises
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
