His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
