I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
