I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
