At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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