false alarm. still invincible.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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