That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
