i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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